A Non Love Story
by mcplestreet
Summary: Lily Evans isn't ready for a serious relationship. James is more than ready for one. She knows she can't give James what he wants, and knows that he deserves better than her. Modern!AU James/Lily Drabble


**The AU Packet Prompt Challenge** by **The Dreaming Hare**

Write a modern!AU (it's not a super obvious modern!AU but I did put some modern details in)

 **Once Upon A Time Category Challenge** by **TrueBeliever831**

 **Emma Swan** \- write about someone who is afraid of commitment

I recommend reading this story while listening to this song, written by the wonderful Dodie Clark. This story is loosely inspired off of the song, and the general feeling of the song is what I was trying to go for with this story.

I'm also thinking of doing a part from James' point of view. The story Dodie wrote is sort of a counter part to this song, and the two put them together to create this masterpiece. If you would be interested in a part from James' view please let me know

Enjoy!

* * *

 _you fool how dare you trust fate; she's not that kind_

James Potter was far too good for her. She had always known it, but why couldn't he see? He was kind and selfless, always putting her before himself. James was pure light in a world that had gone dark. He was everything she wanted to be but never could. She asked herself every day why she couldn't just let herself be happy with him, and despite the fact that she never came up with a good answer she still couldn't bring herself to be the girl he deserved. She could never be good enough for him.

She had tried to make it clear from the beginning that she anted to go slow, that she didn't want things to be serious too quickly. But James Potter wasn't patient, and didn't exactly do _slow_. He was the kind of person to give all or nothing, and she had always known he was going to give her his all. Yet, if she had known, why had she still agreed to do on a date with him. James was her perfect storm, especially designed just to destroy her.

Why couldn't he see that she destined to break his heart? And why couldn't she make herself properly warn him. The worst part about being with James was that despite how scared she was she still wanted him. She was head over heels for him. And that was the scariest part of all. He had so much power over her emotions, power she swore she would never relinquish to anyone. She should have been happy. He loved her and, though she never wanted to admit it, she loved him. She was madly in love with him, emphasis on the word _mad_.

He made her crazy. James had forced his way into her head and prevented her thoughts from ever making any sort of sense. Despite the fact that he'd never been in a relationship before, ever so stubborn enough to wait for her to be his first, he was so good at being a boyfriend. He bought her flowers for no particular reason and took her to restaurants they both pretended he could afford. James was everything she could have dreamed of. But instead of enjoying the dream she spent the whole time waiting to wake up. She knew it was only a matter of time before things between them ended. It kept her up at night, knowing that one day she would break his heart. But she didn't know how to warn him.

For Christmas their first year together, eight months after the started dating, he brought over only an envelope. Lily had been expecting a huge box with dozens of presents. Perhaps he was finally taking something slow, and decided not to get her an elaborate gift. She started to relax, thinking that maybe he finally understood that she couldn't handle the sort of relationship he wanted, and had decided to back off a little bit.

If only she had been so lucky.

Instead of going out for New Years Eve Lily sat at home with her sister and a bottle of wine. They watched a show on television, one Petunia was getting invested in. Lily didn't have the heart to ask her to change it, since it was the show her and James used to watch after dates while they were still in school. Just the day before she'd heard the song that they used to always listen to when he drove her to dates. It seemed that more than ever James was becoming more and more of a prominent part of his life. Ironic how things worked out.

Lily went into the kitchen to grab some snacks, and checked her phone. When she saw that James had posted something onto snapchat she tried not to click on it, especially since she knew what it would be. But she couldn't help herself, and click don the picture of him on an airplane, only hours away from Paris, taking a trip alone that was meant for two. She still had her plane ticket, since he had refused to take it back. "Just in case you change your mind". But she knew she wouldn't. A trip to Paris was too much for what she was ready for.

She loved him. There was no doubt about that. But she didn't want to love him, and she didn't want him to lover her as much as she did. Love terrified her, and she wanted no part of it. James was better off without her anyway. As she went back into the living room, a bowl of popcorn in one hand and a half empty glass of wine in the other, she hoped that he would meet a nice French girl. One who smiled as wide as he did and loved as passionately as he did. She hoped he would forget about her, the girl who was too scared to let him love her. He deserved so much more.


End file.
